Something like, Now I watch you float away ... Getting further on the bay ... Blue eyes fading into gray skies ... But still I know why... “Does Pet... have blue eyes? I wondered how many more verses it would take for someone to start wondering what Lara really meant. But damn, her singing was getting to me, prying at the edge of my mask and letting feelings seep out that we’d promised to stow away. The lyrics seemed as if to come from my own mind. I shivered.“And then the chorus. Matt, do you. “I miss her.”It is a tiny mew lost amongst sobs; my tear filled mouth murmuring it into the soft wool of Claude’s sweater. Over and over again I say it, repeat it, my mantra, all that I am captured in those three words. Forceful, independent me reduced to a quivering, hurting, sobbing mound of flesh deadened by loss.“I miss her.”“I miss her.”“I miss her.”“I know. I miss her too. She was …”The words catch in Claude’s throat, his stoicism infected by my emotional outpouring.It takes a while this. I havespecial scarves that will make your voice sound feminine. Awhile back oneof our clients tried something awful. He tried to impersonate a womanwith his device to abuse one of our female staff members. We caught himon video. He paid the woman a hefty sum, and handed his patents over tome. He thought he was free after that, but we told his feminist wife. Sheowns his balls now, and he is a dutiful house husband." Janice laughedand said, "I don't like being mean, but at times, it is the only. However, in recent visits, Dexter has become interested in my “experiences” with boys and how it feels to have such exquisite “fun bags” at my disposal. It’s getting creepier so when Mom gets up to go to the kitchen, I follow. She hisses for me to go back. I down my fourth beer and grab a fifth from the fridge. I am really going to need it.I literally sway as I go back in and with Mom out of the room, Dexter has become bolder. He talks about my shirt and what the beer bottle did to it.
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